One Year Married: Four Wedding Lessons From a Former Bride

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I’m Courtney Wallen Horton, the marketing manager of Hummingbird Harmonies. I’m the face behind a lot of our social media strategy. You may have met me during one of our venue showcases while Sarah sets an ethereal vibe on the harp.

It’s been a year since my husband and I got married on a warm October day at All Saints Chapel in downtown Raleigh. We welcomed family and friends from across the East Coast and had a spectacular wedding weekend. A year later, I think I’ve finally recovered from all the spreadsheets, guest lists and budgets. The memories, though, are priceless.

I loved our wedding. I loved how we saw our two families come together. I loved how classic and romantic the day felt. I also learned a few things along the way. For couples in the middle of planning their wedding, here’s what I’m glad I did—and what I’d approach differently if I could do it again.

Build a vendor team you trust

Before you settle on a vision for your wedding, research what it will cost to bring that vision to life. Set a budget you can live with, and be thoughtful about where you spend it. A wedding isn’t worth going into debt over. I do believe that hiring people you trust can make a real difference in how you experience the day.

Look for vendors who understand what matters to you, respond to your questions and pay attention to the details. Price is part of the decision, but so is knowing you can hand something over and trust that it’s in good hands. Sometimes, that peace of mind costs more.

If I could give one piece of vendor advice, it would be to find a solid wedding planner. Aside from choosing the person you’re marrying, that may be one of the most important decisions you make for the day. Ask what support is included on the wedding day, who will be on site, and who is responsible for setup, vendor coordination and handling changes to the timeline. Get clear answers before you sign a contract. Having a solid plan, and the right people to carry it out, makes it much easier to be present for your own wedding.

Be married to your partner, not to the idea of a perfect day

You can make a detailed plan, communicate it to your vendors, wedding party and family, and still have something go differently than expected. People are human. Hiccups happen.

Looking back, I wish I had given less of my energy to the small details that wouldn’t make or break the day. Case in point: our cake topper. I carefully packed it with our cake stand, champagne glasses and cake knife. When we saw the cake at the reception, part of the topper was missing, making our new last name look off. We looked for the missing piece but couldn’t find it. My sister-in-law jumped in and replaced the topper with flowers, and honestly, the cake looked even better than we’d planned.

Decide early what matters most to you and your partner. Make sure those priorities are taken care of, then give yourself permission to let some of the smaller things go, especially when getting them exactly right is causing more stress than joy.

One thing I’m glad we prioritized was a few minutes alone together right after the ceremony, before joining everyone at the reception. The day moves quickly, and that pause gave us a chance to look at each other and take in the fact that we were married.

It also helps to delegate some tasks to your bridal party or close family and friends before the wedding week. The more items other people can confidently handle, the fewer decisions will find their way back to you.

Most of all, remember what the day is for. You’re starting a new chapter with your person and celebrating with people you love. That deserves more of your attention than whether every detail looks exactly as it did on your Pinterest board.

If you’re going to DIY, get very organized

My friends and family would probably call me Type A. I’d say I’m more of a soft Type A with Type B tendencies. Either way, I knew that if I was going to DIY a lot of our wedding, I needed to make it easy for other people to carry out the plan.

I made mock-up photos of our ceremony and reception spaces, guest tables, cocktail hour area and welcome tables. I paired them with detailed instructions, and neatly packed décor pieces together and placed them near where they would be used at the venue. Did it take me all summer? Yes. Did it help me hand off the setup on the morning of the wedding? Also yes.

There’s nothing wrong with being a DIY bride, I was one (within reason). Just be honest about how much work that creates. Think several steps ahead, create a plan for yourself, communicate clearly with your vendors and make sure someone else knows where things are and what to do with them.

Please, choose a trusted friend, family member or wedding party member to be a point of contact for questions that don’t need your input. Give your planner that person’s name ahead of time. Your wedding day is your time to turn off the logistics part of your brain and make room for memories with your new spouse and the people who came to celebrate you.

Make a plan for after the wedding

There’s so much focus on getting to the wedding day that it’s easy to overlook what happens when it ends. The last thing you want to do after the reception is ride away in your getaway car while your in-laws are figuring out who has room in their car for a box of candles or your ceremony pedestals.

Before the wedding, make sure you know:

Who is responsible for breaking everything down, and when does the venue need the space cleared?
Who is collecting your décor, gifts, cards and any leftover personal items? What car will they go in? How will they be returned to you?
Are there things you want someone to set aside with extra care, like your veil, dress, bouquet, champagne glasses or cake topper?
Where will everything go that night? If you’re leaving for a honeymoon or mini-moon, how will those items get back to your home?

The details will depend on your venue’s rules, your vendors and how many rentals or DIY pieces you have. Assign names to these jobs, share the plan with your planner and venue, and make sure the people helping know where their items are going. “We’ll figure it out that night” sounds reasonable until that night arrives and everyone is tired, or a little tipsy, perhaps.

A year later, I’m incredibly grateful for the day we had, even the parts that didn’t go exactly to plan. If I could give my newly engaged self one reminder, it would be this: prepare thoughtfully, surround yourself with people you trust, and then let yourself actually be present.

Venue: All Saints Chapel

Photography: Snook Photo + Co

Catering: Empire Eats Catering

Bridal Party & Altar Florals: Buck Naked Farms

Dress: White of Raleigh, Dany Tabet

Groomswear: The Black Tux